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1. pay a compliment
恭维
why is it so easy to forget someone’s name within seconds of meeting them? because, you weren’t really listening—you were too
busy thinking about what to say next. one easy way to skirt that natural selfishness and propel awkward conversations forward is to open with flattery.
为什么一见面就很容易忘记别人的名字？因为，你没有认真听你在想接下来该说什么。一个简单的方法可以避开这种天生的自私，推动尴尬的谈话向前发展，就是用奉承来开场。
when you meet someone for the first time, “pay that person a compliment when repeating their name, thus helping to anchor and embed it even deeper into your memory,” says professional mentalist oz pearlman, who sometimes has to remember the names of hundreds of people he just met for his act.
当你第一次遇见某人时，“在重复他们的名字的时候给他们一个赞美，这样有助于锚定并将其更深入地嵌入你的记忆，”职业精神学家奥兹·珀尔曼说，他有时不得不记住他为自己的行为遇到的数百人的名字。
if you compliment alyssa on her necklace, you instantly prime your brain to recall her name the next time you see that necklace, pearlman says. “as a bonus, everyone enjoys flattery, so that compliment can go a long way toward you being remembered as well.”
佩尔曼说，如果你称赞艾莉莎的项
链，下次看到那条项链时，你会立刻启动大脑回忆起她的名字。“作为奖励，每个人都喜欢恭维，这样恭维也能在很大程度上帮助你被记住。”
2. ask lots of questions—good questions
问很多好问题
research shows that in conversations with unfamiliar people, we tend to rate the experience based on our own performance, not theirs. what’s more: the experience of talking about ourselves can be more pleasurable than food or money. so, how do you give your conversation partner the pleasure of a good conversation?
研究表明，在与不熟悉的人交谈时，我们倾向于根据自己的表现而不是他们的表现来评价经验。更重要的是：谈论自己的经历可能比食物或金钱更令人愉快。那么，你如何给你的谈话伙伴一个愉快的谈话？
ask them questions—a lot of questions, and ones that call for more than vague one-word answers (a good rule is, if your question can be answered with “fine,” don’t ask it). avoid work if you can; instead, ask about play—“what keeps you busy outside of work?” is a good place to start.
向他们提问——很多问题，以及需要一个词以上模糊答案的问题（一个好的规则是，如果你的问题可以用“好”来回答，不要问）。如果可以的话，尽量避免工作；相反，问问玩的事-“是什么让你在工作之外忙碌？”是一个很好的开始。
according to debra fine, author of the fine art of small talk, one question pretty much guaranteed to put someone in a positive mindset and open doors to their personality: “what has the highlight of your year been so far?” this allows the person to show you her best self and, if her highlight includes a topic you’re interested in too, may lay the groundwork for a true friendship.
据《闲聊的艺术》一书的作者黛布拉·费恩说，有一个问题几乎可以肯定会让一个人有一个积极的心态，打开一扇通向个性的大门：“你这一年的亮点到目前为止是什么？”这可以让她向你展示她最好的自我，如果她的亮点也包括你感兴趣的话题，可能会为真正的友谊打下基础。
3. make a game out of small talk
用闲聊做游戏
if you keep feeding a person questions and they keep giving you nothing back, go for the jugular and make it a game.
如果你不停地问别人问题，而他们却不给你任何回报，那就去找颈静脉，把它变成一个游戏。
according to jeanne martinet, author of the art of mingling, small talk should be playful like a game of tennis, not serious like a job interview. her go-to game? “i’ll say something like, ‘tell me three things about your company, and i’ll guess what company it is.’ or, ‘what’s that you’re drinking? wait—let me guess.’ get them into the spirit.”
《交融的艺术》一书的作者珍妮·马丁内特认为，闲聊应该像打网球一样好玩，而不是像面试一样严肃。她去比赛了？“我会说，‘告诉我你公司的三件事，我猜是哪家公司。’或者，‘你喝的是什么？等等，让我猜猜。’让他们进入精神状态。”
4. try to make their day better
努力让他们的日子过得更好
if your conversation partner still isn’t biting, make things even easier for them by asking games researcher jane mcgonigal’s favorite question: “on a scale of one to ten, how was your day?” anyone can think of a number between one and ten, mcgonigal says, and they’re likely to elaborate on their answer as they go. but it gets even better.
如果你的谈话对象仍然不咬人，问游戏研究人员简·麦戈尼格尔最喜欢的问题：“从1到10分，你今天过得怎么样？”任何人都能想到一到十之间的数字，麦戈尼格尔说，他们很可能会详细说明自己的答案。但它变得更好了。
after they respond, ask them this: “is there anything i can do to move you from a six to a seven (or a three to a four, etc.)?” you’d be surprised how happy this little gesture will make someone.
在他们回答之后，问他们：“我能做些什么让你从六岁变成七岁（或者从三岁变成四岁，等等）？”你会很惊讶这个小小的动作会让人多么高兴。
5. play the sympathy card
打同情牌
ready for a cheater’s way to advance awkward conversations? memorize three magic words: “that sounds hard.”
准备好接受骗子的方式来推进尴尬的对话了吗？记住三个神奇的词：“听起来很难。”
“nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult,” entrepreneur paul ford wrote in his viral essay, “how to be polite.” “i once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear harry winston jewelry.
“世界上几乎每个人都认为自己的工作很难，”企业家保罗·福特在他的病毒式文章《如何礼貌》中写道，“我曾经参加过一个聚会，遇到一个非常漂亮的女人，她的工作是帮助名人戴上哈里·温斯顿的珠宝。
i could tell that she was disappointed to be introduced to this rumpled giant in an off-brand shirt, but when i told her that her job sounded difficult to me she brightened and spoke for 30 straight minutes about sapphires and jessica simpson.”
我可以说，她很失望被介绍给这个穿着非品牌衬衫、满脸皱纹的巨人，但当我告诉她，她的工作听起来对我来说很困难时，她变得开朗起来，连续30分钟都在谈论蓝宝石和杰西卡·辛普森。”
6. seek their opinion
征求他们的意见
this tip has been tested by perhaps our most tactful founding father, benjamin franklin. in his memoir, franklin describes an “old maxim” that helped him along in his political career: “he that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”
这条建议或许已经被我们最圆滑的开国元勋本杰明·富兰克林（benjamin franklin）验证过。在他的回忆录中，富兰克林描述了一句“古老的格言”，这句格言帮助了他在政治生涯中的发展：“曾经为你做过一件好事的人，会比你自己感激的人更愿意为你做另一件事。”
in other words, if you ask someone for advice or a favor and they oblige you, they will be psychologically primed to like you and help you again (today this phenomenon is known as the ben franklin effect). so, if you truly want to endear yourself to a stranger and show them you value their mind, ask for their advice on something. if they give it to you, they get to feel important and valued—and you might just learn something in the process.
换言之，如果你向别人寻求建议或帮助，他们会感激你，他们将在心理上准备好喜欢你并再次帮助你（今天这种现象被称为本富兰克林效应）。所以，如果你真的想让一个陌生人喜欢你，让他们知道你重视他们的思想，那就去征求他们的意见吧。如果他们给了你，他们会觉得自己很重要，很有价值，你可能会在这个过程中学到一些东西。
7. pass the topic to someone else
把话题传给别人
not everyone is going to be fascinated by that documentary you’re obsessed with. if the conversation has been “flowing” for 20 minutes because you can’t stop talking, it’s not really flowing at all.
不是每个人都会被你所着迷的纪录片所吸引。如果因为你无法停止交谈，谈话已经“流畅”了20分钟，那就完全不是流畅的。
“when [people] dominate the conversation, they are talking at someone, not with someone,” small talk expert bernardo carducci, phd, tells huff post. avoid falling into that trap by making a point of letting other people contribute to the conversation, he recommends. if they change the topic when given the chance, let it go.
“当（人们）主导谈话时，他们是在和某人说话，而不是和某人说话，”闲聊专家bernardo carducci博士告诉《赫芬顿邮报》。他建议，通过让其他人参与谈话来避免落入这个陷阱。如果他们有机会改变话题，就放手吧。
8. repetition is key
重复是关键
yes, it’s possible to switch topics without letting the other person know how bored you are. start by repeating the last thing the person said to sum up their point, suggests anna sale, creator of the podcast death, sex & money.
是的，可以在不让对方知道你有多无聊的情况下切换话题。播客《死亡、性与金钱》的创作者安娜·赛尔建议，首先，重复这个人说的最后一句话来总结他们的观点。
“that’s very effective because you’re saying, ‘i’ve been listening to you. i hear what you’ve been trying to tell me. now let’s move on to something else,’” she tells real simple. when you do shift away, the other person will still feel like they got their point across.
“这很有效，因为你在说，‘我一直在听你说。我听到你一直想告诉我的话。现在让我们换个话题，’”她简单地说。当你真的离开时，对方仍然会觉得他们明白了自己的观点。
9. exit gracefully
优雅地结束
when your conversation reaches a natural conclusion, pull the trigger by saying “i won’t keep you” or “give my regards to [mutual acquaintance]” before making your escape.
当你的谈话自然结束时，扣动扳机说“我不会留下你”或“向[共同认识的人]问好”，然后再逃跑。
adam dachis, a coauthor of the awkward human survival guide, adds that context can provide you the perfect exit strategy. “if you’re at a party, excuse yourself to get a drink; if you’re at work, you can leave to get some coffee. you can also say, ‘it’s nice talking to you, but i have to talk to someone before they leave.’”
《笨拙的人类生存指南》的合著者亚当·达奇补充说，环境可以为你提供完美的退出策略。“如果你在聚会上，请原谅自己去喝一杯；如果你在工作，你可以离开去喝咖啡。你也可以说，‘很高兴和你交谈，但我必须在某人离开之前和他交谈。’”
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